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Robert E. O. Speedwagon VS Gonsuke
Robert E.O Speedwagon VS Gonsuke is a what if? epsiode of Death Battle Description JoJo's Bizarre Adventure VS Hime-sama Tanuki no Koizanyou which of these two tag along joke characters will prevail? 'Interlude' Wiz: In fiction exists many powerful characters whether it be a mighty hero an all powerful supervillain. Boomstick: But there's always that one character who seemingly exists as a complete joke with the odds stacked against them. Wiz: Yet todays combatants still tag along with the heroes despite their lacking abilities and initial hostility towards the main protagonists Like the top thug of Ogre Street turned ally of the Joestars Speedwagon. Boomstick: And the delusional genius of magic Gonsuke he's Wiz and i’m Boomstick. Wiz: And it’s our job to analyze their weapons armor and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle! Speedwagon Wiz: Not many would dare to step in the slums of late 19th century london especially the criminal riddled Ogre Street. Boomstick: Well I mean between the countless thugs the creepy dude who sells asian medicine and JACK THE FUCKING RIPPER! running about I would think twice about having a bad night at the bar in if I was in those times speaking of which when is that time machine going to be done? Wiz: It's still in testing and what makes you think that you’ll be aloud to use it when its finished? Boomstick: Who said I would use it with permission? Wiz: Well you just lost access to the lab moving on many hardened thugs would bring fear to anyone who would even think about entering their territory but as always there was one above the rest his name is Robert E.O Speedwagon and while not many would want to go against the toughest of the tough one day he was challenged by a man named Jonathan Joestar. Boomstick: Well turns out ol Jojo was just trying to find a cure for his father's sickness and Speedwagon decided that “Hey this guy isn’t so bad may as well help him with his dear old dad” but not before giving him a greeting with a tip of the ol razor hat what a true gentleman. Wiz: Speedwagon then tagged along with Jojo to bust the man responsible for poisoning the Joestar patriarch only for the suspect in question Dio Brando to use an ancient stone mask to transform into an all powerful vampire leading Jojo and his allies to go on a quest a bizarre adventure to defeat the evil fiend that was Dio and Speedwagon proved his use despite his lack of superhuman abilities. Boomstick: Well yeah even though he doesn't have any specials powers like his allies or enemies his street smarts and fighting skill more than made up for it he can effectively pick up anything in arms reach and use it to beat the ever living shit out of his opponents like a shovel or a nifty sledgehammer he even has a razor sharp hat that can be thrown and return to him like a boomerang if he ever needs a long range weapon. Wiz: Well Speedwagon's arsenal may seem limited but he does have combat experience on the street and can go hand to hand if needed and he’s level headed enough to lead other thugs and gangsters into battle. Boomstick: is that really it I mean I guess the hats kinda cool. Wiz: Don’t underestimate him despite being human (for the most part) he is known as one of the toughest thugs for a reason he’s held his own against Dio's zombie horde took a hit from Jonathan Joestar that sent him flying back and even dodged a knife kicked at him by Jonathan. Boomstick: What's so special about a knife we've calculated people dodging bullets and lighting and all of the sudden a knife is impressive. Wiz: Well maybe not that impressive but still professional knife throwers can throw knives up to 35 mph while that may be a rough translation given that Jonathan kicked the knife at a close range it would still be fairly impressive. Boomstick: Well it is better than nothing but the guy still seems kinda weak. Wiz: Well Speedwagon's biggest flaw is that he is mostly human and we really mean it this time but even then he is fairly well rounded and somewhat a jack of all trades he even managed to eventually make it big in the U.S by striking oil and then proceeded to use the his wealth to study supernatural beings like vampires to make sure they never terrorize the public again. Boomstick: Oh well at least he can go down as a badass for facing all his challenges despite his lack of powers but seriously Wiz whens the time machine gonna be done so I can go back in time and high five this guy. Wiz: Still off limits. Boomstick: I don’t need your time machine anyway i’ll just make my own. Wiz: How exactly do you plan on that. Boomstick: It’s classified just know lots of alcohol is involved. Wiz: of course. Gonsuke Wiz: The tale of the Awa Tanuki war a great skirmish between the two factions of Japanese raccoon dogs led by the great tanuki elders Kinchou and Rokuemon. Boomstick: A war between dogs yeah the part of me that adores violence wants to see that badly but the part of me that loves dogs is terrified by the idea I’m confused. Wiz: Well it definitely wasn’t a pretty sight to behold hundreds lost their lives even the innocent were being slaughtered so to stop the bloodshed and bring peace between the two factions Kinchou from beyond the grave formed a plan to unite the two groups by having Rokuemon's 10th generation daughter Miyo to become the bride of Yamato Riku a descendant of his close friend Moemon. Boomstick: Ok so how does that work I mean the guy he was setting up to marry Rokuemon's daughter was not only human instead of a magic dog but also just a friend and not actually part of his faction. Wiz: It’s complicated but today we're focusing on one of Rokuemon’s followers the tanuki genius/messenger Gonsuke. Boomstick: Gonsuke was originally from another another mountain rather than Rokuemon's tribe but moved there at a young age and developed a crush on Rokuemon’s daughter Miyo and began stalking her jeez these dogs are kinda creepy i’m actually not at all that surprised they went at war with each other. Wiz: Eventually Gonsuke had heard about Miyo’s arranged engagement to Riku and decided to do what any other insane stalker would do and plot Riku’s murder. Boomstick: However not only was he to insane to actually do any harm but he Miyo herself showed up to beat some sense into him and then he tried again only to get his shit kicked in a second time and also captured but he eventually decided to help Riku and Miyo and mostly just because of his devotion to her and he actually proved well kinda useful to them. Wiz: Well without a doubt Gonsuke can be said to be a genius at magic but he is also incredibly delusional believing any fantasy he has to be true however despite his heavily detrimental mental mania (try rapping youre head around that one) he is incredibly proficient in magic like many tanuki he can use leaves to control magic and cast a variety of spells ranging from shapeshifting allowing hime to take a human form to making himself and others invisible to the human eye and in his tanuki form he can glide with his umm what am I looking at. Boomstick: Huh you know Wiz having talked about tanukis before I never expected that ability to be something we would actually cover well other than that he can magic up several useful items like a bike food a diving board and even a cool motorcycle. Wiz: He certainly is a tough opponent despite his somewhat lanky build he can take a hit by Miyo with enough force to send him flying through wooden wall and he can survive having Miyo constantly summon statues to crush him one of which was powerful enough to send a dolphin flying several feet into the air. Boomstick: Yeah despite how crazy this guy is he’s strong enough to break through a ceiling and he once managed to break his arms from a tree summoned by a tanuki professor said trees were strong enough to hold down and even harm other strong characters like Miyo. Wiz: But despite all of this there is one glaring weakness which is his aforementioned insanity he will constantly overestimate himself and underestimate his opponent as he believes his delusions to be reality he even sometimes will outright ignore situations while daydreaming but over time he has improved and even became somewhat more sane and competent albeit still very insane. Boomstick: Hey he even did finally manage to accept that Miyo doesn’t love him and that he should just let Riku have her so i’m guessing he isn't that bad after all just like my uncle Jim who learned to stop including me in his dangerous stunts after realizing I would have much more fun watching him risk his own butt rather than risking my own. Wiz: You should really see somebody about your family. Intermission Wiz: alright the combatants are set let's end this debate once and for all. Boomstick: It’s time for a DEATH BATTLE! Battle On a cloudy day it starts to thunder and before everybody knows it rain starts to heavily pour from the clouds in the distance a figure running no sprinting through the rain trying to get to shelter finally manages to enter a bar to escape the wet and cold weather as soon as the mysterious person enters the bar a blond man in a bowler hat the top thug himself Speedwagon turns to see the visitor the man slides off his cloak to reveal the tanuki messenger Gonsuke in his human form Gonsuke: “Man my cloak is all wet, (raising his voice trying to sound heroic and chivalrous) WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT THAT THE GREAT GONSUKE DARK KNIGHT OF APHRODITE WOULD HAVE TO SUFFER THIS FATE”. Speedwagon confused walked up to the strange visitor Speedwagon:(in his best threatening voice) “Look if you're going to make a ruckus you're either going to leave or deal with me.” Gonsuke: “ A challenger to the mighty Gonsuke the hand of aphrodite I see well then go all out I want a good fight.” Speedwagon: “Alright I warned you kid I won't go easy on you.” Speedwagon and Gonsuke raise their fists at one another ready to unleash all they've got FIGHT! Gonsuke''' starts by trying to throw a punch but gets cut short by a quick jab from Speedwagon followed by a kick knocking him off his feet Speedwagon then proceeded to tear off the leg of a table and started swinging it at his foe full force Gonsuke then swiftly avoided the wooden leg before catching it with a single hand he then pulled the table leg out of Roberts hand but the quick witted bandit used the momentum from the pull to land a gut punch on the tanuki messenger before he could react Speedwagon then took off his hat revealing it's razor sharp blades he then prepared to throw it but Gonsuke quickly landed a hard albeit sloppy punch to the face causing Speedwagon to inadvertently toss his hat backwards Gonsuke then picked up his opponent by the collar only for the hat to fly back Gonsuke noticed it just in the nick of time and managed to barely dodge the boomeranging hat only having a few strands of hair cut off his head '''Gonsuke:(In an overly angry voice) YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS! The crazy raccoon dog then ran towards his foe only for Speedwagon to stay cool and kick his adversary in square in the stomach Gonsuke was now on the ground desperate to regain control over the battle Gonsuke pulls out several leafs tossing them up in the air and scattering them around the battlefield Speedwagon: Your throwing plants at me I've seen wor huh? Speedwagon was left speechless his opponent had just disappeared Speedwagon: Okay I may not be able to see you but that won't change how easy it is for me to kick your ass. Gonsuke: Come try me no matter how strong you are you can't get past the my magic we'll see who's laughing now. Speedwagon turned his head to see his sledgehammer propped up against the counter of the bar he then quickly grabbed his weapon and started to swing it about wildly and without aim hoping to hit his opponent Gonsuke believing he could take on the threat ran towards his opponent and straight into the head of the sledgehammer knocking him back a few feet Gonsuke got up with his head ringing and his face bloodied he then pulled out another leaf this time using it to summon a hammer of his own Gonsuke then rushed towards Speedwagon but Gonsukes stupidity got the better of him as he forgot to cloak his hammer along with himself allowing Speedwagon to easily spot his foe Speedwagon was able to easily swing his hammer into Gonsukes face again with no problem despite the pain Gonsuke managed to get back up and threw another leaf this time landing behind Speedwagon the leaf then summoned a statue of Gonsuke dressed as a knight in shining armor with its arm extended in the air to hold a sword in victorious manner Gonsuke: Perfect now my minion attack in the name of Gonsuke. ''' The statue did nothing but sit still and motionless '''Gonsuke: Did I did I cast the right spell? Speedwagon quickly went from looking at the statue back to Gonsuke who's invisibility was wearing off he started approaching the now frightened tanuki who was out of ideas and backed into a corner Speedwagon: I haven't seen an attacke so pathetic in ages but I will say this has been a unique experience BUT THE FUN IS OVER! Speedwagon shouted as he swung his hammer for a final blow Gonsuke dodged but Speedwagon kept on swinging it would be only a matter of time before his opponent would tire out but Gonsuke wasn't ready to give up yet despite being winded and now open he pulled out another leaf this time summoning a grenade as Speedwagon was about to connect the final blow Gonsuke: I won't lose for my pride for Rokuemon FOR MIYOOO! Gonsuke threw the grenade at the sledgehammer which was only a few inches away from his face at this point the hammer then collided with the explosive causing a blast that sent both fighters flying back Gonsuke landed on a table breaking through it while Speedwagon was sent flying straight towards the Gonsuke statue the last thing he saw was the sharp sword of the statue's raised in the air before being impaled on it meeting his demise Gosuke got back up trying to take a cool victory pose before fainting from the damage he's taken. KO! 'Results' Boomstick: Well looks like he can’t take flying at high speeds Wiz: This fight was surprisingly close and it came down to Speedwagon’s fighting experience vs Gonsukes raw strength and magic Boomstick: Gonsuke’s insanity proved to be his biggest weakness but he did improve over time and has shown his fair share of competence and smart thinking Wiz: Indeed he has and the numbers don’t lie when it comes to durability Speedwagon can take a hit from Jonathan Joestar which sent him flying but Gonsuke has survived getting crushed by Miyo’s statues even though no official weight or material is given for these statues they’re big enough to weigh at least 10-20 tons even if we assume that ther'yre made of lighter materials and one these statues that he got crushed by even sent a dolphin flying out of the water several feet into the air much more force than any damage Speedwagon can hope to deal with his sledgehammer Boomstick: And Gonsuke even takes strength recall that one guy who's magic tree he broke through the same guy later managed to trap and kill Miyo with one of these trees and Miyo is strong enough to to send Gonsuke flying through a wall with a dropkick and should be comparable to Gonsuke and other tanuki that have survived getting bombarded by her statues while speedwagon at best could compare to Jonathan before his training with Zeppeli who was strong enough to smash Dio through a wall Impressive just not comparable to breaking a tree strong enough to kill magical dog girl who can withstand litteral tons of force Wiz: And finally for speed Speedwagon was fast enough to dodge a knife travelling 35 mph but Gonsuke’s speed was a bit trickier to calculate since there just wasn’t many speed feats in his universe the best we could do to find his speed was to once again compare him''' to Miyo '''Boomstick: Sheesh she can’t even escape him in Death Battle that must be harsh Wiz: Miyo fastest speed feat was when she ran to Rikus school from his house in order to stop Gonsuke from attacking him she managed to come in just as the small scuffle had ended and while no specific time was ''given' and no official distance between the school and Riku’s house is ever given previous evidence in the manga suggests it's likely a few miles at best and the small fight between Riku and Gonsuke likely lasted a few minutes given the length of the dialogue this would mean that Miyo and by comparison Gonsuke can run at just over some of the fastest athletes in the world the record being 28 mph in comparison Gonsuke can run at least 30 mph '''Boomstick: Well seems about even despite how crazy explaining that was Gonsuke did have more superhuman feats “But surely Speedwagon's weapons give him a leg up” you might ask but a sledgehammer and a boomerang hat don't quite stack up to being able to summon any item you can think of or just turning yourself invisible which Speedwagon had no real way to counter Wiz: In the end Gonsuke just had the superior strength toughness and skills to win the battle Boomstick: Looks like Speedwagon's life sped up straight to the end Wiz: The winner is Gonsuke Category:'Sidekick' themed Death Battles Category:'Hero vs. Hero' Themed Death Battle Category:What-If? Death Battles completed in 2019 Category:Human vs Animal Themed Fights Category:Completed What-If? Death Battles Category:"Male vs Male" Themed Death Battles Category:'Anime/Manga' themed Death Battles